Taoism:
Shit Happens

Confucianism:
Confucius say, "Shit Happens"

Buddhism:
If Shit Happens, it isn't really Shit

Zen (Rinzai):
What is the sound of Shit Happening?

Zen (Soto):
Shit just Happens

Hinduism:
This Shit Happened before

Sikhism:
Leave our Shit alone

Jainism:
Don't accidentally swallow flies and Shit

Islam:
If Shit Happens, it is the will of Allah

Nation of Islam:
Don't take no Shit!

Hare Krishna:
Shit Happens, Shit Happens, Rama Rama *ding ding*

Agnosticism:
Does Shit Happen?

Atheism:
No Shit!

Catholicism:
Shit Happens because you are BAD

Protestantism:
Catholics are full of Shit

Methodism:
Let Shit Happen to somebody else

Calvinism:
Shit Happens because you don't work hard enough

Presbyterianism:
This Shit was bound to Happen

Episcopalianism:
If Shit Happens, hold a procession

Lutheranism:
Shit Happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK

Anglicanism:
Shit Happens, but only to Lutherans

Mormonism:
Excrement Occurs

Baptist:
You're Shitting all wrong, and you're going to hell for it, too

Pentacostal:
Praise the Shit!

Christian Science:
Shit is all in your mind

Existentialism:
What is Shit anyway?

Hedonism:
There's nothing like a good Shit Happening

Dadaism:
Bathtub full of power tools

Jehovah's Witness:
Knock knock. Shit Happens!

Televangelism:
Your tax-deductable donation can prevent this Shit from Happening

Fundamentalism:
There's no Shit in the Bible

Creationism:
Shit has only been Happening since October 23rd, 4004 B.C.

Judaism:
Why does Shit always Happen to us?

Reform Judaism:
Got any laxatives?

Moonies:
Only happy Shit really Happens

Wicca:
Shit is part of the Goddess, too

Paganism:
Shit Happens for a variety of reasons

Pantheism:
It's all a bunch of Shit

Panentheism:
Shit transcends us

Mysticism:
This is some weird Shit

Unitarianism:
Go ahead, Shit anywhere you want

Vegetarianism:
If it Shits, don't eat it

Scientology:
All this Happens to be Shit

Church of the SubGenius:
Shit has happened. For $20 "BoB" will sell

you a way to MAKE MONEY FROM IT.

Discordianism:
Hail Shit!

Seventh Day Adventist:
No Shit on Saturdays

Amish:
Shit is good for the soil

Stoicism:
This Shit is good enough for me

Zoroastrianism:
Shit Happens half the time

Rastafarianism:
Let's smoke this Shit

Voodoo:
Let's stick some pins in this Shit

Twelve Step Program:
Shit Happens one day at a time

Environmentalism:
Shit is biodegradable

New Age:
It's not Shit, it's feldspar